Why hes dating her instead of you

Why Her and Not Me?! 9 Reasons He Chose Her Over You

I really did think that what I had to do was to prove my love and the man would somehow be enchanted by that — I was totally deluded, conned by the love peddlers romantic novels and films. No wise woman in my life to warn me. It may be too late for me but I can make a difference to their lives at least.

www.thetalko.com

To me, growth is a necessary characteristic of a vibrant life and therefore it is easy to see how two people might grow in different directions or how one might outgrow the other. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness, care and respect. Always on the look out for something better. Something better really just translates to something different or new anyway. If your always chasing an upgrade or something different, then where does it stop? When do you stop and decide to stick? You could end up alone? Even children eventually grow up and move out. Are you familiar with the work of Abraham Hicks?

Personal Data Collected

He they teach that traditional marriage vows are based on fear and insecurity. They advocate this approach to relationships: If you think that makes me commitment phobic, so be it. Kathy, I actually agree with you on the marriage thing whole heartedly. I find the idea of marriage very odd and I might say completly outdated. Do I would be interested in reading that book. When I mentioned commitment phobic I was talking about the type of person who constantly searches or is on the look out for something better.

So in a way you never settle down, it made me think could be another way of being comittment phobic. He was seeing her 3 months before he told me. Its not so much he left its how it ended. After over 10yrs I think I deserved better than that. Oh, absolutely, there are times when breaking up is the best thing in the world for both parties. Dam good call girl. Well I find it hard to step up or have done in the past. I used to think if only he would give me closure. Instead your often left with a confused jumble mess to sort through and your self esteem has taken such a blow that you take on most of the blame 4 why things ended.

I read an article which said closure can only come from you, that it comes from inside of you. That you font need it from the partner and in fact, why would you give someone that power? When the power is yours and no one can take that from you. Let him think what he wants and have his version if the truth. As long as we sort through our own stuff, have an honest look at what took place and work on our own issues, grown, learn and evolve.

I thought the same thing after break-ups…. I was always trying to get the other person to talk to me, listen to me, explain why they broke up with me. What exactly did I want; WHY did I keep trying to talk to people who clearly were not interested in talking to me? Did I want an apology? So is that the answer — that closure for me must come from my own understanding, not from anything an ex says or does? I must admit, this is a complete reversal of the way I used to look at closure. Yet it makes more sense than my old view. Have you ever been able to talk with an ex and get something that you would consider closure?

What exactly does closure mean to you? Closure for me was two things. But what I should have realised is if this man made no sense then, had no idea who he was then how the hell could he of all people give me closure. He never did of course so I had to do it for myself, trust my own judgement and learn. The 2nd one is validation which the 1st thing I wrote about above should help to dilute that need. Sometimes when a person leaves without any real reason, thought or care and seems to just move on, especially if he has confused you as well.

You want validation, you want to know he gets that your a great girl, that the time you put in, the energy, emotion, loyalty, trust and love meant something. It can also be infuriating that the partner if a assclown of EUM has taken judement on you! When in fact quite often we look back and see that they were not worth our time and we should have left.

NML has other pages on validation which really helped me, a lot!! Closure helps to bring about happiness, growth, freedom and change. You have the power to do it and I bet you can trust YOU times more than you could ever trust him and his judgement. Just as an after thought, when doing the closure thing yourself and using your own judgement. You have to be very fair and realistic when doing this. Thou must close the door and move forward. Thanks NML, its nice to know my thoughts were on the right track. Thank you Natalie for sharing that with us all. I am sure it will go a long way in helping a lot of people who read it gain some well needed insight.

He assured me that he was at peace with the past and wanted to make a life with me. The week we moved in together, the flip flapping began. I became Florence Nightingale and printed out oodles of literature on divorced men with depression, and excused every bad behavior on the pain of his divorce.

Both were interested in starting a relationship with him. I had no idea and my world fell apart. I lost my relationship with him, his 2 children whom I loved and our dog. He told me I deserved better, then cut me out of his life and put every photo of me out with my boxes for the movers to take. I stopped blaming myself. Kim, Honestly, what a tool of a man. The problem comes when dragging innocent people into their mess, screw them over, blame that person then leave. These men rarely accept any responsabilty for their actions. Which really means they have added even more guilt, mess, conflict, upset and issues to their already emotional wreck of a life.

Keep your side of the fence clean by remaining the bigger person and let him fill up on more emotional rubbish. One day it will overflow into a big mess. Very hard to hear…. You can have great sex, chemistry, conversation, but if you ultimately have different relationship goals….

I am getting married to a great guy, and though we are very different, we both want the same thing. We both agree on the fact that I deserve to be adored. I am almost slipped today but I was quickly slapped back into reality. But the truth is…until you work really hard at breaking a bad pattern it is very easy to fall right back into it again.

Anyway, once again thank you for helping me again. I went to see him and yes another booty call — afterwards he said he had to rush off. My AC done to me twice, I was hurt, but never showed him that I was in so much pain… few days later he would be back again and asking me to meet. I played his game! But got so tired and fed up, that I finally stopped responding. Honey, you know now what he like, change your number if you can, do NC and never ever see him again!

That sounds just awful. He really is showing you that he is not a very nice or well adjusted person. Remember anything he does is not a reflection of you and your worth. I would start the no contact rule as of now. I know you would like to take back some control over what this guy uis doing to you, well no contact is it. Trust me, he will contact you again but this time do not respond and spend your time working on you.

In the archives there is many great blogs on the no contact rule. It can really help with your self esteem. Shattered…I know exactly how you feel. I have been in a similar predicament to you and…to tell you the truth the only person that I am upset with is myself. I know better…I know exactly who this person is and what he all about.

www.sareeseir.com/components I did not put the most important person first me. Would actually take responsabilty and resolve them instead of dragging them into relationships and other peoples lives. Those who have baggage should clear it up before deciding to get involved in a relationship. Movingon in Hey, im doing alright, some days are great and i even forget he exists and some days are still hard. So its still a struggle. The best part is im learning a huge amount about myself, huge!!! I think as NML as stated in past blogs, that this was my aphinany relationship.

I honesty thought, just, like NML did that it was just dumb luck, i was to nice, to nieve and so forth.

What He's Thinking When He Breaks Up With You - Matthew Hussey, Get The Guy

I was laways the victim. Ive realised im where i am because of me and no one else. Which is scary to think but awesome coz that means i can change it. All this is hard work but again ive never learnt so much about myself and understood myself and my choices. This has been life changing for me. It got me thinking differently, gave me options id never thought about before and most importantly as i shifted though the break up, the wonderful blogs would pop up and appear to be just what i needed at the time.

Plus an outlet to let of steam and no know you are not alone…. Very long story short, guy persuaded me, I was not interested. Few months later we saw eachother again, I gave him a chance, meaning I gave him my number, we talked, there was insane chemistry, we got physical. I gotta let it go and stop wondering why her and not me and just take it for what it is, he is not right for me!

The wanting him to get more serious,moving in together etc.. Matter of fact I recently sent this man yet another email telling him that I was tired of the lies and deceit and that he neede to stay with whoever the woman was and make whatever they had going work. Will he believe what I wrote? Probably not because of the many other times I have said very similar things and always took him back.

I really have had enough of his BS. I would rather be by myself than to continue with the madness. Gosh Debbie are you me? What I love about this blog is the atmosphere of encouragement — thanks Natalie. Step 1 How are you feeling? Thank you so much Natalie!!! I dont know what I would have done without you and BR!!!

This is the best post ever, what an eye openner! It is so true what you said: All you are is an option, he was only with you because you were too afraid to ask for anything. He is only with her because she is useful at the moment. As soon as she has needs of her own, he will be gone. I had NC for 7 months and still dealing with the blow to my self esteem, but it does get better.

I actually started dating and am getting good at seeing the red flags, the inconsiderate man, the boundary crossing immediately and run the other direction. But I am starting to meet nice guys, thoughtful, respectful, considerate men who actually have something real to offer me.

Just take the time for yourself and heal. I really did think that what I had to do was to prove my love and the man would somehow be enchanted by that — I was totally deluded, conned by the love peddlers romantic novels and films. No wise woman in my life to warn me. It may be too late for me but I can make a difference to their lives at least.

To me, growth is a necessary characteristic of a vibrant life and therefore it is easy to see how two people might grow in different directions or how one might outgrow the other. Everyone deserves to be treated with kindness, care and respect. Always on the look out for something better. Something better really just translates to something different or new anyway.

So even though you may think you look better than the woman he chose, she obviously had something about her that he was physically attracted to. I would rather be by myself than to continue with the madness. I lost my relationship with him, his 2 children whom I loved and our dog. Probably not because of the many other times I have said very similar things and always took him back. Instead, she was able to speak to him like an adult. This confidence is what increased his desire to spend more and more time with her. Ive realised im where i am because of me and no one else.

If your always chasing an upgrade or something different, then where does it stop? When do you stop and decide to stick? You could end up alone?

Legal Ownership

Even children eventually grow up and move out. Are you familiar with the work of Abraham Hicks? He they teach that traditional marriage vows are based on fear and insecurity. They advocate this approach to relationships: If you think that makes me commitment phobic, so be it. Kathy, I actually agree with you on the marriage thing whole heartedly.

I find the idea of marriage very odd and I might say completly outdated. Do I would be interested in reading that book.

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When I mentioned commitment phobic I was talking about the type of person who constantly searches or is on the look out for something better. So in a way you never settle down, it made me think could be another way of being comittment phobic. He was seeing her 3 months before he told me. Its not so much he left its how it ended. After over 10yrs I think I deserved better than that.

Think of it this way, would you rather spend your time with someone who is If you're dating a guy who loves to stay indoors during the weekend and how bouncy and glossy your hair looks, you immediately assume he's no. Why her and not me?, a question that's reverberating around a lot of in the office or that after just three months of dating some woman, he's moved in, The guy that stays even though he is inclined to believe you're not the.

Oh, absolutely, there are times when breaking up is the best thing in the world for both parties. Dam good call girl. Well I find it hard to step up or have done in the past. I used to think if only he would give me closure. Instead your often left with a confused jumble mess to sort through and your self esteem has taken such a blow that you take on most of the blame 4 why things ended.

I read an article which said closure can only come from you, that it comes from inside of you. That you font need it from the partner and in fact, why would you give someone that power? When the power is yours and no one can take that from you. Let him think what he wants and have his version if the truth. As long as we sort through our own stuff, have an honest look at what took place and work on our own issues, grown, learn and evolve.

I thought the same thing after break-ups…. I was always trying to get the other person to talk to me, listen to me, explain why they broke up with me. What exactly did I want; WHY did I keep trying to talk to people who clearly were not interested in talking to me? Did I want an apology? So is that the answer — that closure for me must come from my own understanding, not from anything an ex says or does?

I must admit, this is a complete reversal of the way I used to look at closure. Yet it makes more sense than my old view. Have you ever been able to talk with an ex and get something that you would consider closure? What exactly does closure mean to you? Closure for me was two things. But what I should have realised is if this man made no sense then, had no idea who he was then how the hell could he of all people give me closure.

He never did of course so I had to do it for myself, trust my own judgement and learn. The 2nd one is validation which the 1st thing I wrote about above should help to dilute that need. Sometimes when a person leaves without any real reason, thought or care and seems to just move on, especially if he has confused you as well. You want validation, you want to know he gets that your a great girl, that the time you put in, the energy, emotion, loyalty, trust and love meant something.

It can also be infuriating that the partner if a assclown of EUM has taken judement on you! When in fact quite often we look back and see that they were not worth our time and we should have left. NML has other pages on validation which really helped me, a lot!! Closure helps to bring about happiness, growth, freedom and change. You have the power to do it and I bet you can trust YOU times more than you could ever trust him and his judgement.

Just as an after thought, when doing the closure thing yourself and using your own judgement. You have to be very fair and realistic when doing this. Thou must close the door and move forward. Thanks NML, its nice to know my thoughts were on the right track. Thank you Natalie for sharing that with us all.

I am sure it will go a long way in helping a lot of people who read it gain some well needed insight. He assured me that he was at peace with the past and wanted to make a life with me. The week we moved in together, the flip flapping began.

I became Florence Nightingale and printed out oodles of literature on divorced men with depression, and excused every bad behavior on the pain of his divorce. Both were interested in starting a relationship with him. I had no idea and my world fell apart. I lost my relationship with him, his 2 children whom I loved and our dog. He told me I deserved better, then cut me out of his life and put every photo of me out with my boxes for the movers to take. I stopped blaming myself.

Kim, Honestly, what a tool of a man. The problem comes when dragging innocent people into their mess, screw them over, blame that person then leave. These men rarely accept any responsabilty for their actions. Which really means they have added even more guilt, mess, conflict, upset and issues to their already emotional wreck of a life.

Keep your side of the fence clean by remaining the bigger person and let him fill up on more emotional rubbish. One day it will overflow into a big mess. Very hard to hear…. You can have great sex, chemistry, conversation, but if you ultimately have different relationship goals…. I am getting married to a great guy, and though we are very different, we both want the same thing. We both agree on the fact that I deserve to be adored. I am almost slipped today but I was quickly slapped back into reality.

But the truth is…until you work really hard at breaking a bad pattern it is very easy to fall right back into it again. Anyway, once again thank you for helping me again. I went to see him and yes another booty call — afterwards he said he had to rush off. My AC done to me twice, I was hurt, but never showed him that I was in so much pain… few days later he would be back again and asking me to meet.

I played his game! But got so tired and fed up, that I finally stopped responding. Honey, you know now what he like, change your number if you can, do NC and never ever see him again! That sounds just awful. He really is showing you that he is not a very nice or well adjusted person. Remember anything he does is not a reflection of you and your worth.

I would start the no contact rule as of now. I know you would like to take back some control over what this guy uis doing to you, well no contact is it. Trust me, he will contact you again but this time do not respond and spend your time working on you. In the archives there is many great blogs on the no contact rule. It can really help with your self esteem. Shattered…I know exactly how you feel. I have been in a similar predicament to you and…to tell you the truth the only person that I am upset with is myself.

I know better…I know exactly who this person is and what he all about.

www.thetalko.com

I did not put the most important person first me. Would actually take responsabilty and resolve them instead of dragging them into relationships and other peoples lives. Those who have baggage should clear it up before deciding to get involved in a relationship. Movingon in Hey, im doing alright, some days are great and i even forget he exists and some days are still hard. So its still a struggle. The best part is im learning a huge amount about myself, huge!!!

I think as NML as stated in past blogs, that this was my aphinany relationship. I honesty thought, just, like NML did that it was just dumb luck, i was to nice, to nieve and so forth. I was laways the victim. Ive realised im where i am because of me and no one else. Which is scary to think but awesome coz that means i can change it.